


Angel

by make_your_own_world



Series: Sam Winchester x Reader Short Stories/Oneshots [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel!Reader, F/M, Grey reader, M/M, reader is an angel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 16:43:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17687225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/make_your_own_world/pseuds/make_your_own_world
Summary: Naomi's been messing around in your head after Castiel was a bust, and the first thing she's told you to do is kill Sam.Reader is an angel that rebelled a long time ago.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> TW: Mentions of sexual assault, murder, and domestic abuse but nothing explicitly described  
> Blood is mentioned?? Idk if that's a trigger  
> Italics are flashbacks and regular writing is the present

_ You grasp the hem of your blouse and pull it just enough to see the blood stains on it, which makes you sneer angrily at the bloodied corpse on the ground. _

_ “Impressive, but you wasted too much time showing off,” Naomi says. “Time is crucial, Y/N. This one will be more difficult. Will you be able to handle it?” _

_ You twirl your angel blade as a response and she waves her hand. Sam steps out from behind a pillar, looking around wildly. _

_ “Y/N, what’s—” _

_ Your eyes narrow and you clench your jaw. _

_ “Y/N, wait, let’s talk this through!” the hunter yelps, holding out a hand as you advance. You wave your hand and he crashes against the pillar and slumps to the ground. “Y/N, come on—this isn’t you—” _

_ Naomi’s eyes narrow when she sees your feet falter. _

_ You clench your fist and Sam gasps, doubling over as his ribs start to crack, one by one. He coughs and blood dribbles out of his mouth. “Y/N—” _

_ You crouch by your ex-lover’s broken, crumpled body and raise your arm. _

_ Sam smiles at you, his hand reaching out for you. He grasps your blouse, pulling you closer. “It’s fine, Y/N. It’s fine.” _

_ Your hand trembles but stays in place. _

_ Naomi sighs and rolls her eyes as your blade clatters to the ground. She snaps her fingers and Sam disappears, leaving you reaching out for nothing and looking around wildly. “Unacceptable, Y/N. I thought killing your vessel would make you more comfortable with it being  _ your _ body—only yours—but apparently not.” _

* * *

 

Cas shows up at the bunker with a bloody face, clenching his angel blade so tightly that he can’t let go immediately.

“Cas!” Dean scrambles to his feet. The yell brings Sam running and he skids into the room, a wild look on his face as he looks everywhere around the angel except actually at him, obviously looking for something.

“I found Y/N,” the angel grits out, collapsing into a nearby chair.

Sam looks at the ceiling and blows out a relieved breath. He’s so relieved he could cry. You’d disappeared nearly three weeks ago and nobody’s heard anything from you since.

“So then where is she?” Dean asks, looking up at the bunker’s door as if you’re just a few minutes behind Cas and you’ll walk through the doors wearing your traditional sweatpants and t-shirt.

“Not coming, hopefully,” the angel replies. “Just to be safe…” He waves his hand and for a second, all the runes etched into the bunker’s skeleton glow. “There. Now she’s warded out.”

“Why do you say that, Cas?” Sam asks, sitting next to him as he starts to heal his vessel’s injuries. “How’d you get hurt?”

“Y/N,” he replies, gritting his teeth. “She’s been reprogrammed.”

Sam and Dean exchange looks. They don’t know what that means, exactly, but Sam can tell that he’s not going to like it.

Dean sits next to Cas as well. “You’re gonna have to give us a little more than that, buddy.”

“Do you remember when Naomi was…” Cas looks around as if the walls will have writing on them for answers, but the only thing he sees are the familiar wardings.

“Controlling you?” Dean puts in and Cas grasps onto the words gratefully, as if they’ll erase what he did. Something that takes the blame off him for even a few moments is a relief.

“Yes. Well, if would appear she is still… taking angels’ memories and putting them through the vigorous training she put me through,” Cas says, wincing at the memory of all those Deans he’d killed.

“Y/N,” Sam gasps and drags his hand down his face.

“And she did this to you?”

Cas sits up straighter now that he’s fully healed. “Correct. I believe Naomi has been altering certain details of Y/N’s memories of you and Sam. Particularly Sam.”

“Why ‘particularly’?”

Cas raises an eyebrow at Dean. “Their relationship, of course.”

“But… Sam wasn’t the one who made her rebel!” Dean exclaims. “She rebelled long before Sam and I were born!”

* * *

 

_ You were one of God’s chosen, one of the particularly powerful angels that weren’t quite archangels but nearly as terrifying as them. You, in particular, had amassed a reputation for being ruthless and a skilled fighter as well as possessing an unusual amount of grace. _

_ God had given you almost twice the normal amount of grace after multiple missions where you had rebelled, instead of punishing you. It had surprised all the angels and some dissent was spreading among the ranks as well as personal grudges toward you. _

_ So you’d flipped everyone the bird, giggling as you ran away from heaven (with God’s blessing, not that anyone knew, because you were one of the few angels that didn’t just follow heaven and actively tried to protect the poor, pathetic humans), and killed all the angels, demons, and monsters that attacked you. _

_ You’d stayed in the vessel of a poor girl that almost died during a cold night alone on a prairie for centuries, sometimes retreating into the back of her mind and letting her out to marvel at the improvements in technology, and took good care of her until she withered, wanting to rest in heaven, and you moved on to your second vessel, a girl that had been praying for protection from an abusive husband nearly twenty years older than her. _

_ She’d died and you’d fled from your failed attempt at protection for one or two centuries before emerging again, quickly becoming known throughout the underground monster society as someone not to mess with. You weren’t a hunter; you never actively sought out a fight with a monster. _

_ Your prey were human. _

* * *

 

“Well, yes,” Cas says. “But she’s grown attached to him, and now he’s an obstacle in Y/N’s mind that Naomi has to overcome. You, Dean, are also one, but one that is significantly easier to clear.”

Sam puts his head in his hands and shakes it. “So what did Naomi do to Y/N, Cas?”

“Y/N has had to endure a rigorous training and recalibration of her brain. Unlike when Naomi tried it with me, Y/N is not to stay as far away from you as possible.”

“That’s sort of… dumb, especially if Sam and Y/N get together again,” Dean frowns.

“Sam, you are Y/N’s first mission after Naomi finishes her training,” Cas says loudly. “She’ll not take pity on you.” He gestures at his body. “The one thing Y/N has always prized over everything else is her mind and free will. Now that Naomi’s taken that away, she’s created a ticking time bomb that is hellbent on killing you, and probably anyone near you.”

* * *

 

_ “There’s a reason absolute monarchs are able to keep their power, and it’s not because their subjects are just that psyched about their rule. It’s all about the cavalry.” _

_ Sam presses the demon knife harder against Crowley’s neck. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” _

_ “It means that I have a bit of a personal guard that would be a bit displeased to see me gone.” _

_ The knife flies out of Sam’s hand and into the grasp of a stunningly pretty girl with a ponytail wearing a sweatshirt and sweatpants. She waves her hand and Sam sits down heavily onto a chair that had scooted across the floor on its own. She grins at Sam and steps further into the light of Crowley’s chambers so that he can see a blood splatter above the girl’s left eyebrow. _

_ “I’d rather you not kill him,” you say in a clear, high voice that surprises Sam even though it matches your appearance. He can tell that you’re an extremely powerful demon already. _

_ “And who are you?” he spits, trying not to visibly struggle against the force holding him down. _

_ “That’s not very important,” you shrug and toss the knife to Crowley. He smirks at Sam. _

_ “Are you going to kill me?” _

_ You giggle and look at Crowley, who raises his eyebrows. “You didn’t say he was dumb!” _

_ Sam grunts, offended but not willing to piss off this new threat even more. _

_ “Honey, why would I kill you?” you ask. “I just don’t want you to kill Crowley. If you think demons are bad now, you should see them without a ruler. Besides, we have a few… arrangements.” An angel blade falls into your hand from your sleeve and Sam’s eyes widen. _

_ “You’re an angel?” _

_ “Well, demons can carry these blades too,” you say. “But yes.” You point it at his neck. “Now I’d like to speak with Castiel.” _

_ “Why?” Sam asks suspiciously. _

_ “Angel business,” is all you say. Without any work of his own doing, his body gets up and starts to walk out the door. “Bye, Crowley!” you call over your shoulder. “I’ll drop by sometime tomorrow, provided these imbeciles don’t take too long.” _

_ “He won’t be going anywhere,” Crowley replies. “Bye, darling.” _

_ Sam blinks and you and he are standing in the bunker by the world map along with Dean. When he can move on his own, he stumbles over to his brother, who holds an angel blade out threateningly to you. After a second, Sam draws a gun on you that won’t do any good, half-surprised when you don’t stop him from taking it out. _

_ “Well, we haven’t exactly started off on the right foot,” you start. _

_ “Sam, what’s going on?” Dean mutters. _

_ “I have no idea,” Sam responds. _

_ “Now, I won’t ask again: where is Castiel?” _

_ “What do you want with Cas?” _

_ You don’t respond. Instead, you mime throwing your angel blade, making both hunters wince. “Do you think he’d come if his precious humans were in trouble? Deadly trouble?” _

_ “Look, all I can say is that if you don’t put that knife down you won’t be alive long enough for Cas to get back,” Dean barks. _

_ You hold up your hands and let the knife fall down into your sleeve. “Fine.” Your eyes glow and both hunters wince. Nothing happens to them, though. When the glow fades, the smirk that adorns your face isn’t one that gives Sam a good feeling. “There, I’ve called him. Do you think his angel radio is on? He can turn that on, but he can’t quite…” You cock your head and flick your fingers to the side like you’re flipping a switch. “He can’t quite turn off the prayers directed toward him, and if the radio is off, he’ll only be able to hear you more clearly.” _

_ “You still haven’t said what you want from Cas,” Dean says. _

_ “I want to have a little chat with him.” _

_ “If that’s all you want, I’m sure you won’t have a problem with wearing some angel handcuffs and staying in our dungeon until Cas arrives.” _

_ You laugh and Sam flinches. “Oh, I do. I really do. See, I’ve heard stories about you two. The  _ Winchesters _. You pretend to be hunters, don’t you? You say you only want to help, but oh so many people—and I’m using that term lightly—have been burned by you. ‘Oh, wear these handcuffs until Cas arrives. Now wear them until you leave. Now, we need you and you don’t want to help so we’ll just lock you in the dungeon until you change your mind’.” _

_ Dean shrugs and whispers to Sam, “She’s got a point.” _

_ “Never mind that, just—” Sam puts the gun on the table carefully. “Dean, put it down.” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Just put it down,” Sam hisses. You watch the brothers with amusement. “We won’t be able to kill her before she kills us, so why piss her off?” _

_ “God, Sam, every time,” Dean mutters. _

_ “What?” _

_ Dean rolls his eyes but puts the blade on the table as well. “Well, fair’s fair, bitch. Put your weapons down too.” _

_ “Don’t insult me,” you snap. Sam and Dean take a step back. “I’m in enemy territory, of course I’ll be packing. Of course, I can’t really put all my weapons on the table, considering I  _ am _ one.” You smile smugly. “Hey! That was good!” _

_ Sam and Dean exchange glances. _

_ “Sorry, Kara’s saying something.” You hold up a finger and turn away from them. “No, not now. Maybe later.” _

_ You turn around, tossing your hair, and smile. “Humans, you know how they are. Always curious.” _

_ Sam narrows his eyes. “You weren’t… talking to your vessel, were you?” _

_ With a smile and a shrug, you confirm his suspicions. “You know, most of the angels you’ve met are completely bastards. They bury their bitches. Why?” You shake your head. “What is  _ taking _ Castiel so long?” _

_ Dean holds up a pair of handcuffs. _

_ You roll your eyes but let the Winchesters put them on you. “Will Castiel be long?” you ask. “I’ve missed him oh so much.” _

_ “Down to the dungeon, bitch,” Dean says. _

_ You sigh and start to walk but stop abruptly when he tries to drag you. Dean tries to jerk you back into walking but can’t. “I’ve been very polite so far, Winchester. I’d hate to accidentally bring down this entire bunker on these handcuffs so I can do some more damage.” _

_ Sam grabs Dean’s hand off your sweatshirt. _

_ “Oh, can we bring a mirror as well?” you say conversationally. “It’s much easier to talk that way.” _

_ “I think she’s insane,” Dean murmurs to Sam. Sam shrugs and grabs a mirror off the wall as they pass it. “Hey! Don’t give her what she wants, Sam!” _

_ “Oh, Dean, you really don’t know anything about sucking up to people with more power than you,” you say, sing-song, and flash a smile over your shoulder at Sam like you know exactly what he’s thinking. _

_ You stop at the dungeon door and smile at Dean. _

_ “What?” he finally snaps. _

_ “Well, are you going to open the door for me? It’s the gentlemanly thing to do.” _

_ Dean looks at Sam, who just raises his eyebrows at him. _

_ “Fine,” he grits out and opens the door, even gesturing for you enter. “Sam, don’t give her the mirror.” _

_ “Hmm?” Sam asks, handing you the mirror. _

_ “Aw, Sam, so thoughtful. You know, if I have to kill you, I might even feel bad about it,” you smile and take the mirror. “I’d do it quickly, at least. Dean, you should be nicer to me.” _

_ “Huh, wonder why I’m not nicer to the bitch that’s threatening to kill me and my brother!” Dean barks. _

_ “Oh, please.” You roll your eyes. “That doesn’t matter at all, now does it?” You walk further into the dungeon. _

_ “She reminds me a lot of Ruby,” Dean mutters, eyeing you with trepidation. You wave sarcastically. “You’re sure she’s not a demon? Just…” Dean pulls Sam out of their dungeon and shivers. “She gives me the creeps. She  _ really _ reminds me of Ruby.” _

_ “I mean, she has used a lot of angel powers, and her eyes glowed instead of changing color. You know? Plus, she walked through a bunch of devil’s traps.” _

_ “Until Cas gets here, I vote we leave her be,” Dean says. “Like I said, she reminds me of Ruby.” In an attempt to lighten the situation, he jokes, “Make sure you don’t fall for her, Sammy!” _

_ “Oh, trust me,” Sam says, “that won’t be a problem.” He’s not sure if that’s a lie. Dean’s right; he does seem to have a thing for monsters, and your attitude is something that, if you were a human, would have him stumbling over his words. Now, he’s not sure if he wants to learn more about you or kill you before you can say anything else. _

_ Cas is waiting for them by the map. “Why was Y/N calling for me? She said she was here, which was obviously a lie, but I still had to check. Is—” _

_ “Well, someone that says she’s an angel named Y/N is here,” Dean says. Cas’s eyes widen. “Sam, you alright?” _

_ Sam shrugs. He feels a little punch-drunk. “I think I’m just tired. I guess trying to kill Crowley really takes it out of you.” _

_ “You wanna sit this one out?” _

_ Sam shakes his head. He doesn’t want to wake up and see Dean carrying yet another corpse out of the bunker. You haven’t done anything to them. Not really. And Dean’s already out for blood. “I’m fine.” _

_ Cas asks, “If it really is Y/N, how are the two of you alive?” _

* * *

 

“Well, Dean, how’d you break Naomi’s control over Cas?” Sam asks, leaning back in his chair so far it might tip. Honestly, he’s not even surprised the best thing in his life has turned to shit again. That’s just how it goes for hunters, right? Especially him and Dean.

“Ask Cas,” Dean shrugs.

“Dean and I have a… more profound bond, similar to the one you and Y/N share,” Cas says solemnly. “It is against an angel’s nature to break bonds such as those.”

“Great!” Dean sits up. “So, what? We do what you and me did? Drop Sam somewhere near Y/N? She’ll rough him up a little bit, but he’ll be fine, and then we’ll have Y/N back, right?”

“I fear Naomi has perfected her practice,” Cas says. “Angels are very persistent and constantly striving for improvement. As long as Y/N’s mission contradicts with her nature and her bond with Sam, she will be erratic and unpredictable. Destructive.”

“What do you propose we do, then?” Sam asks.

Cas looks at them solemnly. “Sam, I believe you should stay here as your brother and I track down Y/N.” It’s not an actual answer and everyone knows it.

Sam clenches his fist and has to strain not to slam it to the table; instead he lowers it so slowly they can all see that he’s close to breaking. When he speaks, it’s through gritted teeth. “Cas.  _ What _ are you going to do?”

“Cas, we’re not—” Dean starts but Cas waves his hand and a television appears on the map, streaming a live newscast.

* * *

 

_ “Well, why is she so different from you?” _

_ “I am… Y/N is much more rebellious than I ever will be,” Cas says, sitting up straight in his chair. “I used to be her partner. Some called me her handler. She left heaven when God did, just before Gabriel and Balthazar. No one really knows what she has been up to, because she kills all the angels that try to bring her back. Luckily, I was never assigned that mission.” He straightens his tie. “All I know is that Y/N primarily kills humans now.” _

_ “Ah, so she’s a monster,” Dean nods. “No wonder she’s working with the King of Hell.” He stands up and grabs the angel blade he’d left on the table. “Well, let’s go kill her, yeah?” _

_ “No!” Sam and Cas exclaim at the same time, both standing up. _

_ “Why the hell not?” _

_ “We don’t even know why she’s here!” Sam says. “Just wait a second, alright, Dean? Aren’t you curious why she didn’t try to kill us? Hell, she saved me from Crowley.” _

_ Dean frowns. “You said you had him by the throat and she took the knife from you.” _

_ “Never mind that,” Cas interrupts. “You will not be able to kill her, Dean. You didn’t… make her angry, did you?” _

_ “Why does that matter? She’s in handcuffs, I’ve got an angel blade. Let’s just get this over with.” _

_ “Y/N was one of God’s chosen,” Cas says loudly, effectively stopping Dean. “She’s got twice the ‘mojo’, as you would say. Those handcuffs won’t work on her, for she is almost an archangel. I, for one, would like to know why God never punished her for rebelling every time she did and why he gave her extra grace.” _

_ “Why’d she bother with pretending that the handcuffs work?” Sam asks, standing up straight. _

_ Dean looks at him. _

_ They both bolt for the dungeon. _

_ “Hey!” Cas yells after them. _

* * *

 

You look around the motel room you’d woken up in, blood all over your clothes. It looks relatively clean and new, except for where you’d been lying on the bed. Blood stains the sheets in the shape of your vessel’s body.

You don’t know if that’s Kara’s blood or someone else’s. You don’t remember what happened at all. One second you were—

A splitting pain shoots through your head and you fall to your knees, gasping for breath and clutching your head. When you take them away, they’re bloody, but you’re not sure if your head is bleeding or not. The blood is all over you. It’s slowly drying and you almost panic, your brain conjuring up images of you being covered in Kara’s blood for the rest of your life.

You scratch at your neck when it itches, your finger catching on something that you pull too harshly. A necklace with a snapped cord flies away from your form, but you hardly notice as it hits the rough carpet with no sound.

You close your eyes and concentrate. The glow of your eyes can be seen underneath your eyelids, not that anyone’s watching you. When you open your eyes, your vessel is spotless and skin whole again. You’re not completely sure if your vessel was damaged, but it’s fine now, so it doesn’t matter.

“Do you remember what happened?” you ask the mirror above the sink. Your reflection doesn’t move after the question. “Kara?”

You wave your hand and your reflection does the same. “Kara, stop. Do you—stop mouthing what I’m saying!” The mirror shatters and you take a surprised step back. “Alright, sorry.”

You turn to the mirror above the writing desk. “Look, I’m really confused. What’s going on?” Still, your reflection is only showing you. “Stop!” You run your hands through your hair. “Stop—just talk to me! Are you mad at me?”

Your reflection just shows you. “Fine,” you mutter. “If you won’t come out, I’ll pull you out.” You reach deep down into your subconscious and yank whatever’s down there to the surface.

“Perfect,” you breathe and open your eyes. “Kara.” Your expression quickly turns back to annoyance and then to fear. “Where are you? Stop it! What are you doing? ANSWER ME!”

* * *

 

_ Before Dean can kick down the door, Sam motions for him to stop. He wants to hear what you’re saying now that you think that no one’s listening. _

_ “It does look cool, doesn’t it? The warding gives me a headache, though. Don’t worry, I’ll let you out soon. I just need to speak to Castiel. Yes, our plan is still a go. Of course I’m not going to let them try and stab us. Well, I’m not doing it for you. An empty vessel would be awfully lonely, wouldn’t it?” You laugh loudly. “I suppose so. Not that I want a body. These human prisons are awfully… blegh.” _

_ Dean and Sam frown at each other. _

_ “Well, alright. Since Sam and Dean aren’t going to say hi first, guess we’ll make the first move.” The dungeon doors slide open and you grin at the brothers, your hands on your hips. You are definitely not in the handcuffs anymore. “Is Castiel back yet?” _

_ Sam can’t take his eyes off your reflection in the mirror. Even as you speak, it doesn’t move. As he watches, it turns to look at him and flips him the bird, but you’re not doing that in real life. _

_ “Now, now, Kara, be nice,” you scold. “She doesn’t like you, you know. Handcuffs can get uncomfortable.” _

_ “Pound sand,” your reflection says in the mirror and sticks out her tongue. _

_ You wave your hand and your reflection suddenly starts to reflect what you’re actually doing. “Kara’s a bit prickly. So, Castiel, you’re working with these two Sasquatches?” Cas sighs and holds up his hands as he enters the room. “You do know, in teams, there should be at least one person with a working brain?” _

_ “Yeah, that’s Sam,” Dean growls, stepping closer to you and brandishing the angel blade. _

_ “I bet.” You grin at him. “I’ve heard all about Sammy. Oh, let’s stop with the foreplay,” you say. Sam and Dean’s feet slide across the floor until they hit the wall. You grin at them as the dungeon’s doors shut, locking you and Cas together. _

_ “Hey!” Dean yells, pounding on the doors. “Hey, bitch! Let us in!” _

_ “Cas, you alright?” Sam bellows. _

_ “Y/N,” they hear Cas say. “Let them in, please.” _

_ “Goddamnit!” Dean thunders, hitting the doors so hard they shudder. _

_ “I’ll not let some ants boss me around,” Sam hears you say. “You’re almost one of them now.” _

_ “Says the one who keeps her vessel around because she’s just that lonely,” Cas retorts. Sam grimaces. That doesn’t sound like the sort of remark you’d appreciate. _

_ You say something in Enochian that he can’t quite make out, but to Sam and Dean’s surprise, they hear Cas chuckle. “It certainly has been a while.” _

_ “Ah, my old handler. This sure is a reunion.” There’s a thud, like two people hitting each other, but not hard enough for it to be a hit. Sam frowns. Could you and Cas be… hugging? _

_ “You always did have a flare for the dramatic.” _

_ “Oh, you flatter me.” _

_ “Cas! You alright?” Dean yells. _

_ “Tell your ants to hush or I’ll do it for you,” you snap. “This isn’t your business, now is it?” _

_ “Why are you here, Y/N?” _

_ “I wanted you to tell your precious pets to stop fucking up the world, but I gather from these interactions they think that they protect you more than you protect them.” _

_ “I don’t control Sam and Dean.” _

* * *

 

“Earlier this morning the Lotus Motel in Lawrence, Kansas exploded due to a gas leak,” the reporter says on the screen. “Thankfully, there were only five casualties.” She continues to speak but no sound comes out.

Cas looks Dean in the eyes. “This is just one of the sparks that could light the gunpowder.”

“You’re saying… Y/N?” Sam asks, holding a hand to his mouth. No. That couldn’t be you.

“Y/N is lost and confused. She has a mission for the first time in millenia, and that mission goes against her bond.” The angel sighs deeply. “Dean, come on. She may not sense us.” He reaches for Dean and they both disappear. Sam is caught mid-lunge across the map in an effort to be brought along.

“Damn it!” He shoves his chair to the side.

Dean and Cas are on the TV screen now, looking around the wreckage and speaking quietly to each other.

“You’re sure this was Y/N?” Dean mutters.

“Positive. Traces of her grace are everywhere.”

“Cas, man, I don’t know if…” Dean grabs Cas’s jacket. “Hey! Look at me, man! Are you really telling me that you’re going to kill Y/N?” He eyes the crowd nearby and lowers his voice when he asks, “You’re cool with that? After all we’ve been through with her? After all she’s done for us?”

“She didn’t do it for you,” Cas laughs, shaking his head. Laughing makes this seem less real, like they aren’t talking about killing one of Cas’s fellow angels, one of his sisters, one of his best friends. You’re a part of the Winchester family just like he is. “Dean, look at me. Do I look happy doing this?” He lifts Dean’s hand off his sleeve pointedly. “I would give anything for this not to happen, but if Naomi’s control cannot be broken, she  _ will _ hurt more people.”

“So?” Dean nearly yells. “No offense, Cas, but if that were to matter before, Sam and I would have killed you! You do know what matters? In this life?” He pushes Cas in the chest. “You and Sam and Y/N are all that matter to me. I don’t care if that’s selfish or whatever, I don’t care.” He shakes his head. “Doing this will  _ kill _ Sam. You know that.”

* * *

 

_ “You can’t really control humans,” you say in an agreement. “So I guess that makes you more human than angel.” _

_ “You too.” _

_ You laugh then, and Sam winces for an entirely different reason than the reason he’s been wincing. It’s not a happy laugh; it’s too high and too brittle and forced. “Wouldn’t that be great? Wouldn’t it be great to be temporary and not care about what happens to this world after you’re over? Humans are so, so temporary and silly. You know, Castiel, so many humans down here are obsessed with the ‘meaning of life’. It’s so, so funny.” _

_ “There isn’t one.” _

_ “Exactly! Well, not really. You see, these humans, these disgusting little humans have  _ created _ a meaning to life. Did you know that? And aren’t you angels all searching for a purpose? If they would just come down and watch these little creatures… But no.” You giggle. “They’d all end up like me.” _

_ “Killing people. And working with the King of Hell.” _

_ “Ha! They all deserve it, Castiel. There’s only a few crimes that absolutely cannot be forgiven under any circumstances. I kill the offenders of those crimes, demons drag their souls down to hell, and once they’re demons Crowley personally executes them. None of them deserve to go to heaven. No, I’m not talking about that.” _

_ “So what are you talking about?” _

_ “Love, Castiel! It’s the funniest thing! The relationships these stupid humans make keep them happy in their heavens. It’s too bad angels can’t love or go to heaven. Don’t you see, Castiel? If the angels could see these humans, they’d either kill them or give up their grace to all become them!” _

_ “So why haven’t you done either of those things?” _

_ “I  _ do _ go to heaven.” _

_ Sam and Dean look at each other with surprise. “I’m sorry, did this turn into an episode of Dr. Phil?” Dean whispers. Sam rolls his eyes; he’s surprised for a different reason. _

_ “I’m in the memories of every person I’ve ever possessed or saved,” you say. “That’s good enough for me.” _

_ “I don’t know why you’re here, though.” _

_ “I’m here to offer a deal.” _

_ Dean yells through the door, “We’re not going to take any deal you offer us, you crazy bipolar bitch!” _

_ Sam tries to tell him to shut up, but he can’t open his mouth. He grunts and taps Dean on the shoulder. Dean looks at him and realization dawns over his face as well. He starts to grunt and pound on the door. _

_ “Relax, I’ll let you speak in a few minutes, but I don’t like to be interrupted,” you snap. “Alright, here’s my offer: I’ll go out and get all the Leviathans into Purgatory. Every single one. You like that deal? There’s only one catch: You and your little Winchesters leave Crowley the fuck alone.” Your voice turns sharp. “Everyone knows you are the only ones with even a chance of killing him and I don’t feel like negotiating with another demon bastard. Crowley, at least, is a gentleman.” _

_ “That’s it?” Cas asks suspiciously. Sam feels the same way. That’s too good a deal, and nothing in their lives ever goes in their favor. There’s got to be a catch later on down the road. _

_ “I’m sick of the world ending every year. Oh, and you boys don’t hunt me down for killing a few humans,” you say flippantly. “What do you say, boys? Wanna take my offer? It’s a one-time deal!” _

_ The doors slide open and the brothers scramble to their feet. _

_ “Why’re you helping us out?” Dean asks suspiciously. “Just to be nice?” _

_ “Haven’t you heard, Dean?” You grin, a grin that a demon would wear proudly. “I’m an angel, aren’t I?” _

* * *

 

“Y/N,” Sam whispers, bowing his head as he clasps his hands. “Can you hear me, babe? Listen, I know you’re confused and you’re hurting. I just want you to calm down, okay? I know what it feels like to have a messed-up head. I know just what you’re feeling.” His face crumples. “I’m so sorry that you’re hurting because of me.” He lets out a long, shuddering breath. “It’s okay. I just don’t want you to hurt anyone else.”

He stays quiet for a long time after that, maybe hoping for you to appear, but Cas had warded the bunker against you, after all. Maybe your lack of a response means you still have enough sense not to bring it all down in order to get to him.

Or maybe you can’t hear him.

Or maybe you do remember him.

“Y/N, if you can hear me, I don’t want you to feel bad, alright?” Sam checks his watch. “I’m going to go to our tree, alright? Tonight, at midnight. If you remember me at all, you’ll meet me there and we’ll sort this out. I promise I’m not mad about the motel. Swear. If you don’t remember me, then…”

Then you’ll meet Sam there, and your mission will stop conflicting with your heart.

Even if you don’t hear his prayer, you’ll probably sense his presence.

“Sam!”

Sam looks up at the sound of his name. “Sam, Cas has some news!”

“Yeah?” he asks, sliding into the room. Dean tosses him a necklace and he snatches it out of the air. It’s a silver wing on a leather cord. Dean had teased him mercilessly when he’d stolen it.

“That was the only thing not burnt at all in the building.”


	2. Chapter 2

_ “I can’t believe she actually did it,” Dean gasps. “That bitch actually did it.” _

_ Sam winces at the curse word. “Dean—” _

_ “Oh, don’t be getting soft on me now, Sammy!” _

_ “She saved us, Dean! She saved the world! And this time, we don’t have another, bigger monster to face specifically because we fixed the first problem! The world is finally safe. We can go back to hunting vampires and werewolves and wendigos and everything small.” Sam smiles. “I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of angels and demons and all that crap.” _

_ Dean starts to shake his head, but one look from his baby brother changes it into a reluctant nod. “I guess she did us a solid.” He quickly points at Sam. “That doesn’t mean she’s allowed to come around, though. I don’t want her to get any kinds of ideas.” _

_ Sam grins. “What kinds of ideas could she possibly get?” _

_ Dean shrugs. “Maybe she’ll want more payment than us not killing her and Crowley? I don’t know, Sam. Also, isn’t she sort of your type?” _

_ Sam snorts. “I don’t—” _

_ “Come on, Sam! She knows everything about everything and she even promised us a solution to a big problem, just like Ruby!” _

_ “Except she actually fixed the problem,” Sam mutters. _

* * *

 

_ The next time the brothers see you, you’re working a job as a stripper. Dean whistles at your back and then immediately cringes when you turn around and wink at them. “Oh, ew. Dude, why is Y/N here?” _

_ Sam blushes, maybe because of your lack of clothes, or because a pretty girl hasn’t winked at him in a long time. “Maybe she left her vessel? What’s her name?” _

_ “Kara, I think, right?” _

_ They’re waiting for you by the back entrance of the club when you get off your shift. You come out wearing a soft pair of jeans and a sweatshirt. You don’t look surprised to see them. “Hello, boys. You passing through because of the ghoul?” _

_ Sam smiles at the ground. “We actually, uh, we didn’t know it was a ghoul.” He looks up at you and flicks the hair out of his eyes. _

_ “Well, now you do.” When nobody says anything else, you look between them. “Um, goodbye, I suppose.” _

_ Dean spins around as you push past him. “What are you doing here? Are you working our case?” _

_ You smile over your shoulder at him. “I’m not a hunter, Dean. Hope you don’t die putting the creature down. Bye!” you wiggle your fingers at them. _

_ “Wait, Y/N!” Sam calls. “Why  _ are _ you here?” _

_ “I’m here to kill someone,” you say plainly. You smile with delight at the grimaces on their faces. “I’m sure you already knew that, though.” _

_ “What a bitch,” Dean mutters. “You know, we could—” _

_ “Why?” Sam interrupts. _

_ “She’s crazy, that’s why! Stop trying to justify her actions—” _

_ “Well, this man has forced several of the workers here to do things that they don’t want to do. Also, he cheats on his wife and beats her. Now, goodbye for real.” _

_ Another one of the workers rounds the corner. “Hey, Angel.” _

_ “That’s a little spot-on, don’t you think?” Dean mutters to Sam, who just ignores him and watches with narrowed eyes as you sling your arm around her shoulders. He can just make out you reassuring her that everything is going to be alright before you walk out of earshot. _

_ “Should we stop her or something?” he asks, motioning to you. “I mean, I don’t want to piss Y/N off, but technically she only said not to kill her, not stop her, so…” _

_ Dean looks around, biting his lip, before nodding. “We can keep tracking the ghoul tomorrow. Hey, nice catch.” He claps Sam on the shoulder. “Only a true lawyer would be able to exploit a loophole like that in an agreement.” _

_ “We should keep walking if we don’t want to lose her,” Sam says quickly, tugging on his big brother’s jacket sleeve as he pulls him. “Hey—Y/N! Y/N!” He starts to jog after you. _

_ You’re talking quietly with the girl that had called you Angel when Sam turns the corner. As he draws closer, you hand her a handful of cash. “I’m not going to do everything for you, but I will help you get back on your feet,” he hears you say. _

_ “Thank you so much,” the girl says breathlessly. “How can I ever repay you?” _

_ “Just don’t forget about me and let everything get out of control again,” you reply. “Good luck, Sarah.” _

_ She pulls you into a tight hug and quickly scurries away. You turn to face Sam, folding your arms and raising one eyebrow. “What do you want, Winchester?” _

_ Sam hadn’t really prepared what he was going to say. “I, um, I feel like killing that dude is sort of an overreaction. Sort of!” he yelps when you scowl. “Couldn’t you just try to—I don’t know—help me,” he whispers to Dean when he catches up. _

_ “Yeah, maybe we shouldn’t be all gung-ho with killing this asshole. Everyone deserves a second chance, don’t you think?” _

_ Your tongue slips out to wet your lips and Sam’s eyes dart down to them. “Really? You’re questioning me?” _

_ “No!” Sam yelps just as Dean barks, “Yes!” _

_ “Hey, Angel, these men bothering you?” another stripper says from behind them. Sam turns to see a dark-skinned girl with a braid holding a can of pepper spray, her jaw clenched. Half her makeup has been washed off. A stray smudge makes her look like she has a black eye. _

_ When Sam looks closer, he realizes that it’s not makeup. _

_ “Nothing I can’t handle,” you reply. “You find someone to spend the night with, you hear me, Nat? You might need an alibi tomorrow.” _

_ Sam and Dean whip around. Why would you hint so heavily at killing someone that this Nat might know? _

_ To their surprise, the girl doesn’t question you or even look scared. If anything, she looks stronger as you say those words. “I owe you, Angel.” After some hesitation, she turns around and hurries back to the club. _

_ Dean turns back to you but before he can say anything you shrug and smile. “You’d be surprised at just what these girls can excuse. Haven’t you heard of an underground network before?” _

_ “So you’re telling me,” Dean says, “that all the strippers know each other and they all enlist you to kill the people that piss them off?” _

_ You laugh. “What I’m saying is that there’s an underground network, and by now Kara’s picture has been passed around. I waltz into town calling myself Angel, they know I’m here for business. If I’m calling myself something else, then…” you shrug. _

_ “Have you ever bothered to consider that maybe some of the strippers are lying to you in order to get you to kill people they don’t like? Ex-lovers, maybe?” _

_ “Have you ever bothered to consider,” you snap, “that I am an angel, you ignorant pig, and I can tell when people are lying to me?” _

_ Sam huffs out a laugh and murmurs, “She’s got a point.” _

_ “I have sources,” you say, walking away from them backwards. “I’m not a demon. I don’t kill for kicks. I do have something in common with some demons, though, and that is my extremely short temper.” _

_ Sam grabs on his brother’s jacket when he starts toward you. You laugh and hold your ground. “Careful, careful, little ant, or I’ll step on you.” _

_ “Look, Y/N,” Sam pleads, “maybe just pull the angel card on the asshole? See if that turns him around. It might.” _

_ “Oh, just because I love you, Sammy,” you tease. “It’s not going to work and I’m going to have to stay in town a little longer, but sure. I’ll try. Because some insufferable humans think that I’m wrong.” You sigh and shake your head before turning around and walking away. _

_ Dean tries to go after you again but Sam yanks him back. _

_ “She pisses me off so much,” Dean complains as they watch your vessel stride away into the darkness. _

_ “I don’t know,” Sam says. “I sorta feel bad for her.” _

_ Dean looks at Sam incredulously. “Oh, come on!” _

_ “Hey, you heard her with Cas!” Sam holds up his hands. “She just sounded lonely—lonely enough to talk with her vessel—and now it just seems like she’s helping the people others would overlook.” _

_ “Oh, don’t start with me,” Dean mutters. “I still don’t trust her.” _

_ Sam rolls his eyes. “Since when do you trust anyone, Dean?” _

_ Dean makes a ‘that’s a good point’ face. “Also, we’re double-checking that it’s a ghoul because I don’t trust her!” _

_ “Why would she lie?” _

_ You were right; it was a ghoul. The coroner. He’d recognized Sam and Dean as hunters by the questions they were asking and a quick glimpse of Sam’s anti-possession tattoo. He’d knocked them both out and handcuffed them before stuffing them into two of the latched steel containers where he keeps the bodies. _

_ “Don’t worry,” he’d said to their unconscious forms. “You’ll be put to good use. I’ll eat you once you’re dead.” _

_ Sam has just gotten around to thinking that this is how he’s gonna die—not in a huge battle with Lucifer or some other angels, not another huge, apocalyptic monster. Just a ghoul, locking him in a metal drawer where dead bodies go. He’s still pounding and kicking the walls, but he knows that it’s a long weekend and the only people that will be in here are the coroner and his oxygen is going to run out far before anyone else gets into the morgue. _

_ So he’s surprised when the drawer opens, making him wince against the sudden onslaught of bright light, and then the ghoul starts to pull him out. Sam pretends to be dead until he’s all the way out and then he lunges for the figure standing by the drawer. _

_ “Damn,” you say as he hits you and can’t even budge you. “Didn’t know you’d be that happy to see me.” _

_ “Y/N?” Sam croaks, rubbing his shoulder that’s aching like he’d just run into a brick wall. “What are you doing here?” _

_ “Saving your asses, apparently,” you say, opening up the drawer that has Dean inside it  and pulling him out as well. “For ‘the best hunters in the world’,” you quote, the sarcasm in your voice lethal, “you guys seem to get beat up on every single hunt you go on.” _

_ “Sammy?” Dean immediately gasps, sitting up straight. _

_ “Yep.” Sam waves at him. _

_ You start to walk away but stop in the doorframe. “Oh, by the way.” You grin over your shoulder at Sam, but it’s not a grin he feels good about. “Since most people don’t believe in angels or at least don’t believe that they’re coming down to earth anymore, the man accounted it all to a weird hallucination and beat his wife to death last night. So next time we run into each other, don’t tell me how to do my job.” _

_ Still a little woozy from the lack of oxygen, Sam just sits down and leans against the wall of body drawers. The coroner is lying a few feet away, his eyes burnt out. _

_ “For a bitch she’s sure got style,” Dean rasps. _

* * *

 

_ Whenever you ran into the Winchesters, it was never for long, and either because they were about to die or you were working a case in the same town as them. Whenever Sam sees you, an unknown feeling erupts in his stomach, making him a little too smiley around you. _

_ Sometime between the third and fourth time you save their lives, Dean stops calling you a bitch and starts to talk about you with a grudging admiration in his voice. _

_ Sam hadn’t thought he liked you a terrible amount, but now he’s inviting you to accompany them on a vampire nest hunt. _

_ You and Sam wear identical expressions of shock. _

_ “Never mind!” Dean yelps, trying to scowl at you but only displaying a slightly hurt expression. “I just thought that you looked lonely because you’re such a bitch that you can’t—” _

_ Sam kicks him. “Ignore him,” he says, trying to smile at you but jealousy is making his features a bit tight. Wait, why is he jealous? _

_ You force out a laugh but don’t even attempt a smile. “Wouldn’t that sort of be like using cheat codes to defeat a boss in a video game?” Turning away and pushing off the Impala, you leave the unopened beer bottle you’d been contemplating on its roof and disappear. _

_ “ _ Nice, _ ” Sam snaps, shoving Dean out of his way as he starts to walk away into their motel room. “See, that’s why she was so surprised when you tried to be nice because every time you talk to her you’re a complete ass.” _

_ “Whatever,” Dean replies. “Let’s just go to the nest tomorrow, all right?” _

_ “Sure, Dean!” Sam yells over his shoulder. “Oh, you know what’s in the nest? A fuckton of vamps that would  _ love _ to wake up and see us right in their base. There’s a reason hunters only attack nests in groups!” _

_ “We’re a group!” _

_ “We’re two people!” Sam slams the door shut behind him, locking both his brother and his feelings out. You’re an angel that kills people, someone that, normally, they would hunt. So he can’t get attached. _

_ Just as Sam had grimly predicted, one of the vamps woke up while they were inside the nest and woke all the others up. Sam and Dean were overpowered embarrassingly easily and thrown into a cell that had no weaknesses, despite how skilled the hunters were. _

_ “See?” Sam says mockingly as his brother slams his fists on the wall. “We could have used Y/N. Oh wait.” _

_ “No, she was right, that’s too much like using cheat codes,” Dean mutters. “We’re hunters, dammit, Sammy. We don’t need angels to do our dirty work for us.” _

_ “Are you sure about that?” Sam gestures around at their surroundings. “We look a little trapped over here, Dean.” _

_ “Well, we’ll get out,” Dean insists. “We always do.” _

_ A passing vamp snorts. “Sure you will.” _

_ Sam’s about as hopeful as that vamp is. The ground is smooth, packed dirt, so he and Dean don’t have anything to pick the lock of the cage with. The lock is a large one that needs three two-digit numbers put in in the correct order or it won’t open. Plus, he and Dean had all their weapons taken away. _

_ The quiet hope he has in the back of his mind that you’ll change your mind and save them doesn’t come true. Some other hunters show up in the nick of time and they work with them to take down the vamps. _

_ “Oh, so your feelings got hurt so you’re just gonna let us die?” Dean screams at the sky after the hunt. “Real mature, Y/N!” _

_ A breeze ruffles Sam’s hair and he turns around. You’re leaning against the Impala again, arms crossed. “Well, I am a bitch, Dean. And you two aren’t my charges.” _

_ “So you just woulda let us die, then?” Dean snaps, striding over to you and not stopping until he’s towering over you. _

_ “I wasn’t paying attention to you,” you shrug and examine your nails. When you hold up your hand, Dean falls back onto the ground. “Trust me, if I spared more than a second’s thought on you two you would both be dead. Well, maybe not Sam.” You nudge Dean with your foot. “No wonder Crowley hates you so much. You are so not politically savvy. Maybe you should listen to your brother.” You look at Sam and smile, which makes him look at the ground and away in an effort to hide his own smile. He’s pretty sure your threats are empty. _

_ “I’m just trying to be nice for Cas’s sake!” Dean barks. _

_ “He’s the reason I haven’t killed you yet,” you retort. “So don’t piss off what he’s trying to do, all right?” _

_ “Whatever, bitch!” Dean scrambles to his feet and storms away, leaving you and Sam alone in the parking lot. _

_ Seized by a reckless impulse, Sam invites, “Hey, do you want to grab a beer with me?” _

_ “I…” You tilt your head. Sam motions for you to follow him and you quickly reach his side. “I don’t drink alcohol, but sure. I’m assuming you would prefer the company of my vessel?” _

_ “What?” Sam frowns. “No. Why would you think that?” Is it just him, or do you… blush? _

_ “Well, she is a young, reasonably attractive human of your opposite gender that does drink alcohol.” You let out a small chuckle. “I thought you…” _

_ “What?” _

_ “Well, all the signs pointed to you being attracted to Kara.” You’re watching your feet as you say that, trying to sync your steps with Sam’s. _

_ “Trust me,” Sam says, thinking of that unsettling experience of watching your reflection not show what you were doing, “I don’t think I know her well enough to be attracted, and even then I probably wouldn’t be.” _

_ You just bite your lip. “Hmm.” _

_ “So. Y/N. You rebelled a while ago, huh?” _

_ With a laugh, you agree. “A long, long while.” _

_ “So… you’ve seen a lot of stuff, right?” _

_ You nod and look at Sam just as you’re passing a streetlight, highlighting your features, and for a second Sam loses track of what he was saying. “You want me to tell you about some of the stuff I’ve done?” _

_ “God, yes,” he breathes. _

_ You tilt your head. “Nobody normally cares about that.” _

_ “I’m a bit of a ‘nerd’, as Dean would call me,” Sam admits. He shivers as a gust of cool wind hits his face, and then suddenly he’s sweating. He’s sitting with you in a booth in a crowded bar. _

_ A crooked grin spreads across your face, one he’s never seen before, and he can’t help but feel like that’s the first real smile he’s ever seen you make. It makes his stomach fall a story. “Where do you want me to start?” _

* * *

 

_ “You’re kidding if you think you’re a monster, Sam,” you say seriously. Sam’s halfway into his fourth beer and moping around. “You were cursed from the beginning, weren’t you? Literally the beginning. At the dawn of the universe we all knew you and your brother’s names. And you literally changed destiny, which is supposed to be impossible!” _

_ “I started the apocalypse. I’ve got demon blood in me!” _

_ “Yeah, you were fucked over from the beginning!” You sit up straight in your chair. “And look at you now, Sammy. You’ve suffered so much, and all you’ve done is turned kinder. So don’t call yourself a monster. I kill monsters. You’re an underdog.” _

_ “I don’t know why Dean calls you a bitch, Y/N.” Sam puts his hand over one of yours and you stiffen. “He only calls me that.” _

_ You huff and roll your eyes. “I’m just giving you a pep talk, Sammy. Don’t get all mushy on me. Lord knows you need  _ someone _ to tell you to keep going.” _

* * *

 

_ “Dean, you have to hear her talk,” Sam gushes the next day in the Impala. “She’s been on earth since the dinosaurs. She’s got so many stories. Did you know she knew Cleopatra and Caesar personally? Caesar, Dean!” _

_ Dean rolls his eyes. _

_ “And Shakespeare,” Sam says faintly, shaking his head. “And she was telling me all about the revolutions she led. You remember Joan of Arc? That was Y/N speaking to her, and eventually Y/N possessed her! That is so awesome, right?” _

_ “Sam, you’re adorable when you’re talking about your school stuff, but I don’t have any idea about what you’re talking about,” Dean says, looking in the mirror and switching lanes. _

_ “Dean—” _

_ “Sam, I’m worried about you.” The elder Winchester gives his brother a knowing look. “You know we can’t trust Y/N, right? She’s working with Crowley and kills people for fun.” _

_ “I know!” Sam says defensively. “But we’ve all done bad things, and she only kills bad people, Dean. Plus, she’s friends with Cas, and he says she’s trustworthy, right?” _

_ Dean laughs. “Oh, no. Cas says she’s the last thing from trustworthy. She rebelled from heaven and he doesn’t know where her loyalties lie. She’s a rogue, Sammy. You can’t trust them.” _

_ “Dean, we are literally the epitome of ‘not knowing where loyalties lie’.” Sam brushes his hair out of his face. “We kill angels and have basically rejected heaven. That’s not exactly the recipe for poster children, is it? What did Cas say about Y/N, exactly?” _

_ Dean sighs and turns up his music. _

_ “Dean!” _

_ “Fine! He said she does what she thinks is right and has a soft spot for underdogs, Sam. But she might start to think monsters are the underdogs, so we can’t trust her!” _

_ “She called me an underdog last night,” Sam mutters, a small smile on his lips. _

_ “Hey, snap out of it, man!” Dean snaps his fingers in front of his little brother’s face. “You’re acting like you’ve got a crush on her!” _

_ “Dean, pull over the car,” Sam whispers. _

_ “What?” _

_ Sam slams his hand on the volume button, turning ‘Pour Some Sugar On Me’ all the way down. “I said, pull the damn car over!” _

_ “What the hell, Sam?” Dean asks, doing as he asks. Once the car is parked, both brothers get out immediately and regard each other over the car’s hood. _

_ “What the hell is your problem with Y/N, Dean?” Sam finally says coldly. _

_ “No, Sam, what the hell is  _ your _ problem?” Dean barks. “You’re falling for yet another chick that’s gonna screw us over! Who knows, maybe Y/N will make you start drinking angel blood or some shit and you’ll release Lucifer 2.0! We don’t even know anything about her, hardly!” _

_ “I know a hell of a lot! And you would, too, if you would even listen to Y/N! She was one of God’s chosen and she left heaven because he  _ told her to. _ She’s trying to exterminate the humans that have been infected with evil, or Lucifer! It’s her holy mission!” _

_ “Sam, that sounds like utter bullshit.” _

_ “It really doesn’t!” Sam bellows, stepping away from the Impala and turning away, looking up for patience. He spins on his heel back to Dean, pointing a finger at him like he’s lecturing him. “Every angel we’ve ever met that hasn’t been a total douchebag has rebelled from heaven! It’s not that hard to believe.” _

_ “Sam, listen to yourself,” Dean pleads. “She’s even making us fight like Ruby had. Maybe she’s just another douchebag that’s really working for heaven.” _

_ “I suppose this is a bad time,” Cas says from behind them. _

_ “Oh, we can trust Cas but we can’t trust Y/N?” Sam asks angrily. “We can trust fucking  _ Meg _ but we can’t trust Y/N?” _

_ “Probably a bad time,” you say, appearing at your fellow angel’s side, looking back and forth between the brothers like you’re watching a tennis match, at Dean’s clenched jaw and red face, Sam’s messy hair and red-rimmed eyes from last night. _

_ “Cas, what the hell is she doing here?” Dean asks, pointing at you slowly, like if he moves too quickly he’ll lose control. _

_ “I can go wherever the fuck I want, thank you very much,” you snap back, crossing your arms and tilting your chin up. _

_ “Dean and Y/N, please be polite,” Cas says, shooting Dean a scolding glance that Dean looks away from and ignores. _

_ Cas doesn’t even try with you. He may have been your handler when you were working for heaven but there’s a reason you were known for rebelling. “Y/N is here because she is the only friend I have that hasn’t tried to kill or betray me yet and there is no apocalypse looming on the horizon. I was hoping to have a nice dinner tonight.” _

_ “Dinner?” Dean repeats incredulously. “Dinner, Cas?” _

_ “Yeah, Dean,” you say, grinning at him. “Let’s have dinner tonight.” _

_ “Dean, I want to speak with you privately,” Cas says loudly. He pulls Dean away from you and Sam. “Dean, you are being exceptionally rude to Y/N.” He almost pouts. “I thought Sam would take more convincing to accept her, considering how alike you and Y/N are.” _

_ “Tell me how we are in any way alike!” _

_ “Well, you and Y/N both are loyal to your fathers, even after a long time of them being gone. She is extremely passionate about killing the people she believes are wrong. Also, I think you could learn a lot from her. She provides a very stimulating conversation. She made sure she was around many historical revolutions and battles, so she knows most fighting techniques, battle tactics, and other things, and you enjoy all those topics, correct?” _

_ Dean sighs. “I don’t know, Cas. She doesn’t act like any angel I’ve ever met. She acts like a demon, actually.” _

_ “Y/N actually has a lovely personality,” Cas assures him. “She’s just had bad experiences with human men in the past, as they are the most susceptible to Lucifer’s influence. You probably didn’t help by repeatedly calling her names.” _

_ Dean looks at his puppy eyes and then at you and Sam. You’re scuffing your shoe on the ground, looking almost too shy to walk over to his brother, and Sam is pointedly looking around at all the trees. “What’s their deal?” _

_ Cas shrugs. “I am not familiar with human emotions. I am familiar with Y/N, though, and I know that she thinks she can’t love. I don’t know what that has to do with her and Sam.” His eyes go wide and he turns to Dean. “Do you think Y/N and Sam have a bond like you and I?” _

_ “No way,” the hunter says loudly. “No way. Every time Sam hooks up with someone non-human, they end up killing people and/or betraying us. I’m sorry, Cas, but I’ve gotta protect Sammy and trust my gut. And right now my gut is telling me that Y/N can’t be trusted.” _

_ Sam whirls around to snap at his brother and immediately notices that you’ve left again. _

_ “Fine,” Cas snaps, also having noticed your disappearance. “I suppose my word for her doesn’t matter, nor does all the help she’s given you.” He disappears as well, leaving Sam and Dean at each other’s throats. _

* * *

 

_ The next time the Winchesters even hear about you is when Cas shows up in their motel room, demanding for them to accompany him. The brothers immediately rush to stabilize the stumbling angel. _

_ “Whoa, whoa, Cas, slow down,” Dean orders, helping him to sit down. “Calm down. What’s going on?” _

_ “You’re going on a hunt with Y/N and I.” Cas’s grip on their arms turns suddenly vice-like and Sam has the sensation of being caught in a whirlwind. When he opens his eyes, they’re in a different motel room. Before he can fully adjust, a small form bounds across the room and slaps Dean across the face so hard he has to sit down. _

_ “What the hell?” he barks. _

_ “You’re an ass, you know that?” you say, crossing your arms, except it doesn’t look like you at all. You’re wearing your hair down for the first time since the brothers have met you and your steps fall heavier. The expression on your face is completely different, too. Sam can’t quite explain it, but he knows it’s not you. Maybe it’s the lack of emotions he feels when he sees you. You’re not making him feel flustered and light anymore. _

_ “K-Kara?” he tries. _

_ Your vessel nods without breaking her death glare aimed at Dean. _

_ “Where’s Y/N?” _

_ “She’s gathering intel,” Kara replies. “Or so she says. I hate you,” she adds at Dean. “Trust me, if I could control Y/N, you would be a bloody pulp every time I see you. You are the biggest ass I’ve ever met.” _

_ “Right back at you,” Dean spits, still cradling the bright red spot on his face where Kara had slapped him. “Y/N’s far from perfect.” _

_ “She’s damn close,” your vessel spits. “Oh, and you thought Y/N was bad. All she does when she’s around you is try to help and talk to Sam, and you’re always at her throat for no damn reason. What, is your life so stupidly pathetic that you’re scared of something good happening?” _

_ Dean tries to lunge at her but Cas holds out a hand to still him as well as Kara. “Well, no wonder you’re Y/N’s vessel,” Dean hisses. “You two are so alike. You’re both utter skanks.” _

_ Kara’s eyes glow and the brothers can instantly tell that you’re back. Instead of rising to the insult like you would have before, you just turn away and sit in a chair in front of the mirror above the sink. Your reflection gestures wildly, obviously ranting, and paces around, occasionally smashing something. You just put your chin on your hand and watch after putting your hair up into a ponytail. _

_ Sam can’t tear his eyes away from the spectacle. _

_ “What do you see in her?” Dean asks, eyes wide as he looks at Cas and Sam. “Honestly, tell me. What could be so great about her that you’ll ignore everything else wrong with her?” _

_ “What’s so wrong with her?” _

_ Dean laughs. “Her personality! Her—everything!” _

_ “Dean, drop it,” Sam says coldly. “Cas, what are we hunting?” _

_ “A rogue angel is killing people in this town in an attempt to catch heaven’s attention,” Cas answers. “I don’t believe he senses Y/N or I yet, but he will once we get too close. We need you and your brother to set a trap for him while we distract him.” _

_ “Oh, a rogue angel killing people, does that sound familiar?” Dean mutters. _

_ The plan works perfectly and you kill the angel swiftly without Sam or Dean even getting hurt. Afterwards, when the group of four makes their way to the bar, you don’t say a word. You just roll your eyes occasionally and fiddle with the napkins. _

_ “What, you don’t have anything to say?” Dean finally asks when Sam and Cas purposefully leave the two of you alone. _

_ You sigh and shrug. “I’m just tired.” _

_ Dean watches you awkwardly, unsure of how to deal with this new, broody Y/N. He knows that his words were uncalled for and rude, but you do sort of act like a bitch. Also, his cheek still sort of smarts from Kara slapping it earlier. Finally he says, “I thought angels didn’t need to sleep.” _

_ “You know the sort of tired I’m talking about.” Idly, you start to rip up the napkin you’d been folding over and over. “I’m fighting a losing battle. Lucifer has infected this world so completely that some people aren’t just learning to live with the virus, they’re thriving with it.” You spread your hands, scattering paper over the table. “I’m going to take a nap.” _

_ Immediately, your posture changes. You slouch down and glare at Dean, making eye contact for the first time since the motel room. _

_ “Let me guess.” Dean rolls his eyes. “Kara?” _

_ “Wow, the ape has a brain,” she snaps back. “Hope I don’t see you later.” She gets up, pushing the table into Dean’s chest as she does so, and brushes past Sam as he tries to approach her. _

_ “What did you do?” _

_ Dean shrugs. _

* * *

 

_ The next time they see you is only two weeks after. You’re in a bar, flirting heavily with an older man. _

_ “Hey, man, maybe it’s Kara,” Dean mutters when he sees Sam’s crestfallen face. His brother is pathetic and probably dumb for liking you, but that doesn’t mean Dean wants to see him hurt. _

_ Sam shakes his head. “No, her hair’s up and she’s not slouching. Plus, her reflection’s not doing the same thing she is.” He nods to the mirror that’s showing your vessel pounding shots. Kara’s eyes meet his and she gasps visibly, standing up and pointing at him. _

_ Sam grimaces. _

_ “How does that even work?” Dean asks, watching with interest. “Interact with her surroundings, I mean. If she’s just a reflection.” _

_ “Angels, man.” Sam shakes his head. “You know what, I’m not in the mood for a drink anymore. Wanna head back to the motel room?” _

_ “Sure,” Dean says, shooting you a heavy glare as they pass. He may not like you, but he hates moping Sam even more. _

_ You’re waiting for them in the room when they get back, your hands covered in blood. Sam yelps the second he sees you and drops his bags in his haste to get to you. _

_ “What?” you ask, twirling around as if he’s looking at something behind you that you hadn’t sensed. “What is it, Sam?” _

_ “Your hands!” he replies anxiously. “You’re not hurt, are you?” _

_ You examine your hands like you’d forgotten about the blood. “Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. No, it’s the old man’s. I had to get him drunk to lure him out into the alleyway but it worked eventually.” You shake your hands once and they turn spotlessly clean again. _

_ Dean clears his throat loudly. You continue to talk, babbling honestly, to drown him out, but he does it again and you visibly tense as you turn around. “Hello, Dean. I think you’ll notice that I’ve done  _ nothing _ wrong this time so I’d appreciate it if you could act like a nice being for once.” _

_ “If you’re going to hunt with us, then you’re not allowed to use your powers,” Dean says woodenly. _

_ For a long time, you stare at him, until a smirk lifts your features. “Like a challenge?” _

_ “So we don’t use the cheat codes too much.” _

_ “I can’t hunt all the time,” you warn, absently twisting a strand of hair around your finger. “I do have work to do, after all.” _

_ “Do you have any to do right now?” Sam asks, beaming as he looks back and forth between you and his brother. _

_ You shake your head, your lips twitching as you crane your head back to look at him. _

_ “Wanna join us on this hunt, then?” _

* * *

 

_ Dean can’t stop looking over his shoulder as Sam questions the cashier. You’re wandering around the sleazy gas station’s store, looking at everything like it’s a treasure trove. He can’t even hear your steps on the linoleum, but then again, you always do walk softly. _

_ Sam elbows Dean softly when he sees that the cashier is much more interested in him. Dean takes the cue and moves up to the register, turning up the smile as Sam walks over to you. For some reason everything feels very, very peaceful and he’d like to stay here forever, even if it is just a small convenience store that only has bags of chips and dirt on the ground. If it meant he would be able to watch you wander forever, wonder on your face as if you’ve never been inside a store like this before, and the sun shining through the window to highlight you like the angel you are, he’d stay here forever. _

_ You’re staring at the windchime above the door when he finally reaches your side, and a breeze from nowhere rustles it just enough for the tinkling sounds to bring a smile to your face. _

_ “You look like you’ve never seen a windchime before,” Sam says, his voice almost a whisper so he doesn’t break the tranquility of the moment. _

_ You shrug. “I haven’t. Is that weird?” _

_ “A bit, yeah,” Sam admits, shifting just close enough to you that his arm brushes yours. There’s plenty of space for you to move into if you want to, but if anything, you lean into him as well. _

_ “This place is very beautiful,” you say, turning to look at the gas store in all of its glory. _

_ Sam can’t help it; he laughs. “I never thought that you would act like Cas, considering how long you’ve been on earth, but trust me, this is the last thing from beautiful.” _

_ “I’ve never needed to interact with much of humanity. Especially not these humans.” You tilt your head at the girl at the register. “The middle-humans. They’re not low like my girls and not high like the people I kill.” _

_ “What about hunters?” _

_ “It depends.” You purse your lips. “Some are low, some are high.” _

_ “What about me, then?” _

_ “You’re the lowest,” Y/N replies. “The best.” _

_ Being low isn’t generally considered a good thing, but if you’re calling him it, then Sam will be called low for the rest of his life. _

_ You gently tug on Sam’s jacket with your hand and pull him to the cheap display of jewelry, flashy to catch people’s eye, but not pretty enough or expensive enough to actually be worth anything. “People wear these, right?” _

_ “Yeah,” Sam replies, watching as your small hands reach out and rustle the necklaces so they rattle like the wind chime. One in particular catches his eye and he pulls it off the rack, holding it so he can look at the pendant. It’s a simple brown leather chain, easily breakable, and probably a cheap silver imitation pendant, but it’s in the shape of a single wing. “Look.” _

_ “That’s what you humans think wings look like?” you ask, cupping it in your hand so you can see it better. You manage to bring a stray ray of sunlight over to the metal and smile brightly when you look up and the metal’s reflection of the light is on the ceiling. _

_ It’s probably nothing compared to what you’ve been given over the years or could create for yourself, but an impulse makes Sam’s mouth open and out come the words, “Do you want it?” _

_ “You guys ready?” Dean asks. As Sam turns around, he slips the necklace into his pocket. _

_ “Yes,” you say softly, still examining the light on the ceiling until you let the light go back where it would go without your interference. “What information did you learn?” Sam nearly jumps out of his skin when he feels your cool hand touch his as you bump against him, probing (he’d like to imagine). He can feel your eyes on his cheek, which is rapidly becoming redder, as he loops his pinky around yours, your little pinky finger that’s about three times as small as his with a thousand times his strength. When you don’t pull away, he relaxes visibly. _

_ “I think it’s a Wendigo,” he replies. “Apparently all those people that disappeared also passed through here to buy some camping supplies. Am I right, Y/N?” _

_ You smile mysteriously. “I thought I wasn’t supposed to use my powers.” _

_ “You can just tell me if I’m right.” _

_ “Yeah. You’re right.” Once you get to the Impala, you pull away from Sam, pinkies unlocking, and teleport (you call it flying but Sam can’t call that short of a distance flying, plus flying is supposed to take time) into the backseat of the car. “I’ve never fought a Wendigo before. What’s it like?” _

_ “Well, they’re fast. Too-fast-to-see-fast,” Dean says. “And you have to burn them alive.” _

_ “Ooh, a challenge,” you say, cracking your knuckles and smiling. “When do we go get him?” _

_ Sam and Dean look at each other, silently communicating, before saying in unison, “Right now.” _

_ “Now?” _

_ “Well, we’ve got everything we need in the trunk,” Sam says, “and a map.” _

_ “Plus, we’ve got an angel with twice the juice,” Dean mutters. “I think we’ll be fine.” He revs the Impala’s engine. _

_ “Remember, Y/N, no angel powers,” Dean says once he parks at the beginning of a trail and you get out of the car. “Only if it’s life or death, all right?” _

_ “I can’t die.” _

_ “But Sam and I can, so…” Dean tosses you a flamethrower and you turn it over in your hands, examining it, before cracking your neck and smiling. _

_ “I love adventures. Did you know, once I led a Mongol attack—” _

_ “Sssh,” Dean says, putting his hand over your mouth. “No history nerd talk. You and Sam will make me feel like the third wheel.” _

_ “I helped invent the flamethrower,” you say loudly. “As well as the gun. And—” _

_ “Yes, we get it, you love killing people. Let’s kill a monster for a change, all right?” _

* * *

 

_ The three of you exit the forest three days later. You’re nursing two broken wrists from wiggling out of restraints as well as a nasty burn on your hand, not that either of those injuries bother you much. You’d had to put Kara to sleep for the moment so she wouldn’t feel any of the pain either. _

_ Sam winces as the sun becomes unobstructed by trees, holding up a hand in a feeble attempt to block out some of the light. There had been three wendigos, which had taken the boys by surprise since they usually hunt alone, and one of them had given Sam a concussion. Most of Dean’s wounds were superficial. _

_ “That was exciting to hunt without using any angel powers,” you say, your bones snapping into place and burnt skin healing in front of their eyes. Dean almost gags. “Maybe I’ll do it again sometime, but I have to go.” _

_ “Fix Sam up before you go,” Dean orders. _

_ You roll your eyes but tap Sam’s forehead with two of your fingers. He immediately straightens and lowers his hand. “You’re leaving so soon?” _

_ “I do have a job, you know.” _

_ Sam fishes into his pocket and pulls out the necklace he’d pocketed from the gas station. Dean has to stuff his fist in his mouth to keep from barking out a laugh. His brother is such a sap. _

_ “For you,” he says simply. You smile at him, a real smile, and once you touch it appears on your neck. _

_ “That was very sweet.” _

_ Sam ducks his head to look you in the eyes, his face framed by his hair. Your smile freezes. Before you can say anything, he puts a very gentle hand on your jaw and stoops enough to brush his lips against yours, feather-light. _

_ “Bye, Y/N,” he says, grinning stupidly at your shocked face and open mouth. _

_ “Get a room, you two!” Dean yells. _

_ You disappear. _


	3. Chapter 3

“That’s not the whole news, is it?” Sam asks, clutching the cool metal in his fist so tight it hurts. The leather cord now has a knot in it, so it must have broken at some point. If it had, why hadn’t you fixed it?

Or maybe you had broken it on purpose.

Dean shakes his head. “No. Apparently Naomi hadn’t finished messing with Y/N’s head before Y/N escaped.”

Sam grins. “That’s good, right?”

“I believe so,” Cas says, his eyes closed as he turns around in circles. “Y/N may not be as unreachable as I had originally thought.”

Sam and Dean exchange looks at the angel’s strange behavior. “Uh, Cas? What are you doing?”

Cas doesn’t open his eyes or stop spinning when he replies, “I am trying to locate Y/N, but she’s not sending out any messages. I’ll keep trying, though.”

“We’re going to find her,” Sam says softly, slipping your necklace into his pocket. He doesn’t really want to think about what it means that you took it off, or that it’s broken.

“Yeah, but until we do, I want you to stay here, all right?” Dean orders, pointing at his brother. “We don’t know for sure if Y/N’s gunning for you, and this bunker might be the only thing keeping you alive at this point.”

“Dean!”

“No arguments!”

“If that’s the case, then she won’t show up for either of you,” Sam argues, brushing a strand of hair behind his ear. “It makes sense for me to go out, let her sense me, and we can set a trap for her or something.”

“Out of the question.” Dean shakes his head.

“Hey, we know holy oil keeps her out, no matter how charged she is,” Sam points out. “I say we find a way to get her in a circle or put me in a circle so she can’t reach me. We can’t wait her out. It’s been a…” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “It’s been a long time, Dean. I need to see her.”

“We’ll see,” Dean says cryptically. “Just give me a week, all right?”

Sam crosses his arms. A muscle in his jaw ticks.

“All  _ right _ ?” Dean repeats, his eyes narrowing. “Sam?”

“Whatever,” his younger brother mutters, turning away.

“Sam, we’re gonna find Y/N, but we’re not using you as bait! No way!” Dean yells after him. “You hear me, Sam?” When Sam doesn’t respond, he whirls around to look at Cas. “He’s not planning anything stupid, is he, Cas?”

Cas stops spinning and opens his eyes. “Sorry?”

“Nevermind,” Dean growls and stomps off after his brother.

* * *

 

_ You appear in their motel room three weeks after the wendigo hunt, panting, with a cut on your cheekbone. _

_ “Y/N?” Dean asks groggily. You’d woken him. “Sorry, Sam’s not here right now but he’ll be back soon—” _

_ “Please don’t tell him I was here,” you whisper. Dean frowns, his eyes opening, and they widen completely when he sees the cut on your cheekbone. _

_ “Y/N, how’d you get hurt?” He touches his own cheekbone. _

_ “What?” You mirror his hand and touch the cut. When your fingers come away, they’re red. “Oh. There’s an angel squad gunning for me, but that’s not the issue.” _

_ Dean laughs. “Y/N, that sounds pretty serious.” _

_ “It’s not a big deal!” you insist. _

_ “What is, then?” _

_ Your eyes dart to Sam’s bed and you touch your lips. Dean understands. “You’re not gonna tell me you don’t like Sam, right?” He scowls. “‘Cause then I’ll call you a bitch and mean it.” _

_ “Of course I don’t like him!” you almost wail and then clap your hand over your mouth. “I’m not supposed to be able to feel affection. I’m an angel. We’re all assholes, and more importantly, not capable of emotion. That’s our whole MO! We’re soldiers for a reason!” _

_ Dean sits up fully on his bed and motions for you to sit on Sam’s. “I really wasn’t expecting to play therapist for an angel today, but all right.” He sighs deeply. “Y/N, I’m pretty sure angels can feel emotions, but they have to be away from heaven. Or something. Me and Cas…” He looks at you through his eyelashes and you frown. “Our bond. You know?” _

_ Understanding floods through you and you mouth ‘oh’. _

_ “I can’t believe you’ve spent so much time on earth and haven’t felt any sort of emotions,” Dean chuckles. “Yeah, every angel we’ve ever met that isn’t a huge asshole has been one that rebelled from heaven.” _

_ Your hands grip the cheap motel sheets tightly. “Sam is very experienced with… emotions.” _

_ The way you’d hesitated before saying ‘emotions’ makes Dean think you were going to say something else. “Jesus Christ, you’re not a virgin, are you?” Dean gasps. _

_ You scowl at him. “This vessel has had sex before, yes.” _

_ “But you haven’t,” he guesses. “How have you been on the earth for, like, a trillion years and not had sex? You haven’t even kissed anyone before?” _

_ “I have kissed,” you say hotly. _

_ “Yeah, but because you had to seduce some asshole or because you wanted to?” He chuckles when you stick your tongue out at him. “You’re so funny, you know? You kill people for fun and get all flustered anyone says anything about affection.” _

_ “Yes, because it’s  _ unnatural, _ ” you insist. _

_ “Trust me, Y/N, affection is the last thing from unnatural.” Dean smiles slightly. “We see unnatural every day. Affection is the only normal we could ever get.” _

_ You bite your lip. “Don’t tell him I was here, all right?” Without another word, you vanish, and Dean jumps when Sam opens the door. _

_ “You’re up,” he says brightly. “So get this…” _

* * *

 

_ “What are you doing?” Dean asks when he sees Sam kneel by the bed. _

_ “Praying,” Sam answers, clasping his hands together. “I was thinking we could finally have that dinner Cas wanted a while ago. We’re good for tonight, yeah?” _

_ Dean shuts his laptop before anything pops up about a strange murder. “Yeah, let’s do it.” _

_ Sam barely has time to close his eyes before Cas appears. “Yes?” _

_ “Have you seen Y/N?” Sam asks eagerly. “Me and Dean are free tonight and we were thinking that we could have that dinner you wanted a while ago.” _

_ “I’ll call her,” Cas replies. He blinks. “She’s coming. She’s just finishing something up in Baltimore. She says that if you see a police report tomorrow, don’t think it’s a monster if the victims are named Barry Smith, Maria Connors, and Leila Danish.” _

_ “She’s been busy, then,” Dean says. “Sam, where were you thinking we would go?” _

_ “There’s a diner that actually looks half good,” Sam replies. “The Silver Diner, maybe?” A stray paper falls off the motel’s desk and everyone turns. You cross your arms. _

_ “Why’d you want me?” _

_ “Do you want to have dinner with us?” Sam rushes out. “It’d be nice to catch up, right?” _

_ Dean’s pretty sure that only he notices the slight tension that eases out of your shoulders at Sam’s happy smile. _

_ “Sure,” you reply, offering him a small smile of your own. “Let’s go, ants.” _

_ “You know, Y/N actually is all right, now that she’s not threatening to kill us every time we see her,” Dean mutters to Cas, who just hums in agreement and takes his hand. “Sam, you remember the way to the diner?” _

_ “We could just fly you,” you suggest, bouncing on your heels and looking suspiciously happy. Dean figures out why when he looks harder at you and Sam; you’re holding hands. It’s so cute and awkward it’s like middle school all over again. _

_ “Sure.” _

_ Once seated at the diner across from Sam, you both bury yourselves in your menu. “I’m confused,” you eventually say. _

_ “Why?” _

_ “This paper here says things like ‘smoky flavor’, but food doesn’t have a taste.” You look up at Sam, frowning. “It’s just molecules.” _

_ “It has a taste for humans,” Cas says casually. “They need it to survive.” _

_ You frown and look back at the menu. “They need it to taste good to survive?” _

_ “No, the food.” Dean grins. “The taste is a bonus.” _

_ You stiffen. “I’m going to the restroom.” _

_ “O-okay,” Sam says, watching you hurry to the restroom. “Huh. She seems sorta out of it, you think?” _

_ Dean keeps his eyes firmly on his menu when he grunts. He’s not sure if your weird behavior has anything to do with you being convinced that you’re not supposed to feel emotions, but he doesn’t want to bring it up just in case. That could hurt his brother’s feelings, as well as make you angry at Dean for breaking your trust. _

_ You still haven’t come back by the time the boys order their meals. Sam turns around in his chair to watch the restroom. “You know, now I think about it, why would Y/N need to go to the bathroom? She’s an angel. Angels don’t need to go to the bathroom, right?” _

_ “That is correct,” Cas says idly. “I don’t know what Y/N is doing, but she can handle herself.” _

_ Sam frowns. As he watches, an older woman tries to get into the bathroom but can’t. She yanks on the door but it won’t open. A pit starts to open in his stomach. “Uh, guys?” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “I don’t have a good feeling about that.” Sam points to the locked bathroom door. _

_ Dean cocks his gun under the table. Cas looks around fully for the first time. “Dean, our waiter is a demon,” he says urgently. _

_ “What?” _

_ “And you couldn’t tell us that earlier?” Sam whispers furiously. _

_ “He wasn’t one earlier!” Cas protests. _

_ “Y/N can handle demons, right?” Sam asks. _

_ Cas nods. “As long as she wasn’t knocked unconscious as soon as she walked into the bathroom, any demons in there should be dead. Chances are that she’s keeping that bathroom locked, but I don’t know why.” _

_ “And everyone around us, they’re all human?” Dean asks, looking around. _

_ Cas scans the diner and nods. “It’s just the waiter.” _

_ “And here I wanted a nice, normal night for once,” Sam sighs. “All right, let’s go.” _

_ The demon leaves the waiter the second he sees them stand up. Dean fires into the air so the human customers will leave, and leave they do. Cas almost gets trampled in the horde of screaming humans. _

_ “Y/N?” Sam yells, pounding on the locked bathroom door. “Y/N, you there?” _

_ “Yes,” you call back, annoyance clear in your voice. _

_ “You all right?” _

_ “Yeah.” _

_ Sam looks back at Dean, but he just shrugs. “Why haven’t you come out yet?” _

_ “They trapped me in holy fire,” you reply. “Stand back. I didn’t want to have to do this, but I guess I will.” _

_ Dean pulls Sam away from the door seconds before you blast it down. Sam has to admit that you look really hot in that moment, your eyes glowing blue as you lower your hand. You kneel and place your hand on the floor. Everything starts to rumble and the floor actually splits open so you can pass through the hole in the ring of fire. _

_ “We coulda just poured some water on the fire,” Dean mutters. You wave your hand at the fire now that you’re out of it and it dies down. _

_ “That was pretty sweet,” Sam says breathily, grinning at you. _

_ “Hey, why’d you go into the bathroom in the first place?” Dean asks. _

_ “I saw a demon,” you reply. “It saw me too, I suppose.” _

_ Dean looks around at the abandoned diner, the passed out waiter, and the enormous crack in the floor. “Well, I guess dinner’s out. Wanna get smashed at a bar?” _

_ As the four of you leave the diner, the sprinklers finally go off. _

* * *

 

_ You and Cas sit side by side, arms crossed and identical amused grins on your faces as you watch Dean and Sam pound shots in unison. Kara had tried to keep up with them in the mirror but she’s passed out by now. _

_ “Are you drunk?” Cas asks Dean as he squeezes his eyes shut at the alcohol. _

_ “Buzzed,” Dean replies, grinning at the two angels. _

_ “What about you?” you ask, smirking as Sam blinks. _

_ “Sammy here does not drink as much as me,” Dean boasts. “He’s probably smashed.” _

_ “I am not,” Sam contradicts, scowling. “I’ve still got a pretty high tolerance.” He hiccups. _

_ Dean slings himself into the seat next to Cas and whispers something into his ear. Cas doesn’t even have to say anything before you wave at them and they sprint out of the bar like they’re chasing a monster. _

_ “I bet they do it in the Impala,” Sam says, a little too loudly, by your ear. You startle. _

_ “What?” _

_ “I bet they don’t even make it out of the car,” he says again, more forcefully this time. “At least Cas can use his powers to clean up.” _

_ You frown. “What are you talking about?” _

_ “Cas and Dean, you know.” Sam sticks his tongue in his cheek and raises his eyebrows at you. “You know?” _

_ Slowly, you shake your head, your eyes fixed on his. _

_ “They’re having sex,” he proclaims loudly, swaying slightly as he raises a bottle to his lips. “They have a ‘more profound bond’.” _

_ “What about you?” _

_ “What d’you mean?” _

_ “If they took the car, how will you get back to the motel?” _

_ Sam shrugs and takes another sip of the beer. You can’t help but watch his throat muscles convulse as he swallows. “Walk, probably. They pass out in the car, I pass out in the room alone, and in the morning we all pretend that Cas wasn’t deepthroating my brother.” _

_ You blush and look away. “What does Castiel do when Dean is sleeping?” _

_ Sam sits down next to you, slouching enough that his head is on the same level as yours. “Pro’ly watch him sleep. I’ve caught him watching Dean before.” _

_ You nod and make eye contact with an older man with a handlebar mustache across the bar by mistake. He takes that as an invitation to come over. _

_ “Hey, pretty girl,” he says, leaning against the bar. _

_ Instantly you’re more comfortable. You know how to deal with this man, this scumbag that you would kill for even thinking the thoughts about you that he is. You’re not good about dealing with whatever you feel for Sam. “Get lost.” _

_ Annoyance falls over his features immediately. “Hey, that’s not very polite. I just wanted—” _

_ “I know perfectly well what you wanted,” you say coldly. “And I will not give it to you.” You don’t even notice Sam sitting up, sobering more now that someone’s invaded his time with you. He’s pretty sure you’d be angry if he interfered, so he just upends the bottle and gulps it down, revealing his vulnerable, glistening throat to the world, but you’re the only one that notices his weakness. _

_ The man takes advantage of you turning to Sam and grabs your shoulder. Faster than humanly possible, you whirl, slam his arm onto the bar. He yells in pain when you press harder, bones grinding together but not quite cracking. “Don’t touch me,” you say quietly. _

_ “Wanna go?” Sam mutters at your side. You nod and start to turn away. The man, overly confident because of his liquor and never having heard the word ‘no’ before, grabs the end of your ponytail and yanks you back. _

_ Sam can’t control himself anymore. He lunges for the man, but his feet are stuck on the ground. You lock eyes with him, your head still pulled back, until he nods. Once you’ve got his agreement, you let Sam go and bring your elbow back into the man’s stomach. Twirling around, you grip his head in your hands and bring it down and into your knee. His nose breaks and blood spurts on his shirt and the ground. The man howls and tries to slap you, but you catch his hand and twist him around, dislocating his shoulder in the process, and push away from the bodyguard that tries to pull you off him. _

_ “I’m leaving,” you snarl. “Let’s go, Sam.” _

_ Sam reaches out and grasps your whole hand in his, not just an innocent linking of the pinkies, and you pull him out of the bar. You hadn’t liked it in there anyway. _

_ You’ve barely taken two steps outside the bar before Sam stops walking. You let him pull you back into his arms, and before you know it his lips are on yours, not just a feather-light brush, but a sweet pressure that reassures you that, yes, you’re not a servant of heaven anymore, and that just might be a good thing because you really can love. _

_ Which scares the hell out of you. _

_ But you don’t want to break away, so you just hook your arms around Sam’s neck as his hands cup your face, trying to pull him as close as physically possible, and then closer. _

_ Finally Sam breaks away from the kiss and hoarsely asks, “Motel room?” _

_ You bite your lip. “You want to have the… sex, right?” _

_ His voice is steadier when he replies, “Not if you don’t want to.” _

_ “I don’t know how.” _

_ He slides his hands down your form until they’re resting on your hips. It’s the first time anyone’s ever touched you like you’re something to be admired, something to be loved and adored, instead of something to be feared or something to take and then leave. “Seriously?” One of his fingers loops inside one of the belt loops you don’t use on your jeans as his mouth quirks up in a half-smile. _

_ “I’ve been on the earth for twenty million years and I’ve never met anyone like you, Samuel Winchester,” you say. If he thinks about it hard enough, it answers his question and makes him feel even more special. _

_ Blushing now, Sam offers, “I can show you?” _

* * *

 

_ “It’s a human custom,” Sam explains, his hands in his pockets and his shoulders hunched as he talks to you, trying to compensate for your smaller vessel. _

_ You look back and forth between the tree and the knife in your hand. “Is that so?” _

_ He just grins at you. _

_ “I could just use my powers,” you say, trying to hand it back to him, but Sam evades the knife quickly. _

_ “No! It’s… it’ll mean more if you do it by hand. Please, Y/N?” He gives you the puppy eyes and you immediately agree. You carve your name into the bark of the tree and then Sam carves the blocky letters SW next to them with an addition symbol. _

_ “Why do humans do that?” You ask as the two of you walk back to the bunker. _

_ Sam shrugs. “I guess ‘cuz it’s hard to take that off a tree, right? It’s pretty permanent, and humans like to think that love is forever.” _

_ You frown. “What about when they die? Do they still love each other?” _

_ “Normally,” Sam admits. “I guess, in heaven, it’s their best memories, right? So they might be in some of the memories. And if you’re soulmates you can experience it together.” _

_ “You and Dean share a heaven,” you say quietly. “But I’m an angel. I can’t die with you.” _

_ “You could visit us,” Sam suggests, his voice getting a little higher. He doesn’t want to think about an afterlife without you. _

_ “I don’t think I’m welcome in heaven anymore,” you say solemnly. You can feel his grip on your hand become lax, and you squeeze it. “But I’ll fight my way in if I have to. No angels could keep us from each other.” _

_ Sam kisses you. _

* * *

 

Dean had told him not to come, and Sam had said he wouldn’t.

Sam traces the letters on the tree. Even after a year, they still look like they were carved onto the trunk just minutes before. He’s pretty sure your angel powers are what keeps the marks looking so fresh.

He looks up at the sky, grey from a thick layer of clouds, and breathes. His breath fogs up. It’s probably going to snow soon. “Come on, Y/N. You know I’m here.”

He hears the flutter of wings. Sam can’t even turn around before a force pushes him forcefully against the tree. “Hey, babe,” he groans out, turning his head so that his cheek presses against the rough bark. “Are you all right?”

You let him go and he sits down heavily. Sam slowly starts to turn around.

“Did you hear my prayer earlier?”

“Yes,” you say quietly, pointing your angel blade at him. “Why would you leave your safe bunker?”

“You’re not going to kill me,” he replies, finally getting a peek at your face. Your vessel’s skin is tinged, multiple blood vessels had burst in your eyes, and dirt is packed underneath your fingernails. You look like absolute shit.

“I—” You start and then wince, your hands flying up to your head as your eyes close.

“Babe?” Sam stands up, concerned, and you push him back against the tree so hard he almost passes out.

“Fight back, dammit!” you snarl, letting him go again. Sam just leans against the tree, panting heavily.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” he says. “I can’t lose anyone else. I just can’t, Y/N.”

“I’m supposed to kill you,” you say slowly.

“Y/N,” Sam says quietly. “I know what you’re feeling. Your head hurts, you’re tired and confused. I get it. Come back with me, all right? We can make sure you don’t hurt anybody else.”

“I didn’t—” you drop your blade and Sam twitches. “You took Kara from me.” Your eyes start to glow and Sam frowns. “Give me Kara back!” you scream. A bush near you catches on fire.

“I didn’t take Kara,” Sam says gently. “Y/N, you’re confused. Come on. Take my hand.” He extends it to you and you swipe your hand through the air. His arm flies backwards into the tree with enough force to break skin. Sam hisses.

You stoop to grab your angel blade. You shift your feet and toss it from hand to hand. Sam’s eyes track the movements of the blade warily.

“You’re a threat to my mission,” you eventually say, tossing the knife to your nondominant hand and clenching it until your knuckles go white.

“I’m not stopping you,” Sam replies.

You wince and a drop of blood leaks out from the corner of your right eye. Forgetting himself for a moment, Sam strides forward. “Babe—”

That was a mistake. The second his hand touches your cheek, you drop your shoulder and crank a punch into the side of his face. Sam cries out in pain as he falls down from the force of your punch. A divine entity just punched him and all that it did was bust his lip open and make him fall down.

“Fight back!” You snarl, punctuating each word with a kick to Sam’s ribs. He groans as one of them cracks. He doesn’t fight back, though, so you haul him up by the front of his shirt and punch his face again. And again. And again. “Fight— _ back _ !”

Sam slaps weakly at the hand holding him up, his face a bloody pulp, and you let him go as another burst of pain shoots through your skull. “I didn’t want to do this, but I guess I have to,” he rasps and drops a lit lighter onto the ground. You scream again as a circle of holy fire lights up around you, trapping you. Panic lights up in your eyes when you realize that.

“I’ll tear the skin off your bones!” you threaten. “I’ll rip the ground apart to get to you!”

“That’s Naomi talking!” Sam yells back, the pain in his face and ribs making his eyes water. “Y/N, I know you’re in there! Come on, fight it! Cas could!”

With a rumble like an earthquake, the ground in front of you starts to peel apart. Your eyes glow. Once the circle’s broken, you clench your fist and the fire dies down.

“Y/N—” Sam pleads as you start forward. “Y/N,  _ stop _ it!”

You raise your arm for the final, devastating blow, and Sam just closes his eyes, turns his face away, and holds out one weak, mortal, human arm in an attempt to stop you.

And it does.

The fading sunlight glints off the silver wing pendant clutched in Sam’s hand right into your eyes.

You fall to your knees. When you speak, your voice is a hoarse whisper. “Sam?”

“Yeah, baby,” he groans, still tensed against another attack. This might be a trick. “You back?”

You put a tentative hand on his leg and immediately all his injuries are healed.

When Sam realizes he’s able to move without pain, he turns around to face you. Another drop of blood is leaking out of your eye, and this time when he wipes it away you don’t try to kill him. You just stare at your hands in your lap, specked with Sam’s blood and still clutching your angel blade.

“It’s been a while since I last saw you,” Sam says, trying to break the tension, but you scramble away from him, sliding on the leaves. One of your hands touches a stray drop of holy oil that Sam had scattered in the circle and you hiss as it burns your skin. “Hey, hey,” he says softly, grabbing your hand gently. “Take it easy.”

“Don’t touch me!” you yelp, trying to throw him off you, but you can’t bring yourself to use your angel strength to do that for fear of hurting him, so he just gathers you to his chest and tucks your head under his chin.

“Shh, it’s all right,” Sam whispers, rocking back and forth slightly and tightening his grip on you when you try to get away. “It’s all right.”

“It’s not,” you whisper into his chest. “I told you I’d never hurt you.”

“That wasn’t you,” he insists gently. “That was all Naomi.”

“She said God had a new mission for me and I trusted her,” you say bitterly. “She killed Kara. I’m all alone.”

“You still have me,” Sam points out, kissing the top of your head.

“I shouldn’t.”

“None of that was your fault.”

“I killed all of those people in that motel.”

“We’ve all killed people. And it wasn’t even you.”

You shake your head but grip his shirt tightly in your hands. “How’d you know I would snap out of it?”

“I know you,” Sam says simply. “You said you’d never hurt me, so I know you wouldn’t.” He tries to tease you by saying, “Where would you be without me?”

You look up at him. “I’d be one of those winged dicks without feelings.” You lean up enough to kiss his throat and then settle more against his chest, having missed the feeling of his strong arms around you. You’re burning hot enough to warm Sam despite the cold weather, so the two of you stay like that for a long time.

* * *

 

_ It’s one of those peaceful mornings where Sam was tired enough to sleep in and there are no monsters to hunt. Though you can’t sleep, you can rest, so you stay curled up against Sam, one hand on his muscular chest and feet tangled together. Eventually he starts to move, waking up. _

_ “Morning, beautiful,” Sam finally says, his voice gravelly, and you open your eyes with a smile. _

_ “You were tired,” you tease. _

_ “You wore me out,” he responds. You move your hand from his chest to his cheek and press your lips to his gently. “Hey, Y/N?” he mumbles against your lips. _

_ “Yeah?” you ask, leaning back. _

_ “I love you,” he says for the first time. _

_ Your grin is blinding and only rivaled by Sam’s when you respond affirmatively. _


End file.
